If you’ve traveled to another country or gone anywhere in the outdoors, you’ve probably heard of giardia. Supposedly Civilizations settlers brought this crap over from Europe or somewhere, since giardia seems to foster best in densely populated areas of domestic cows. Thanks to these assholes (the settlers, not the cows) this flagellated protozoan parasite known as Giardia lamblia, (AKA “the runs,” “the shits,” and my favorite; “Beaver Fever“), lives in almost every water source in the United States. It generally spreads by tricking someone into eating the poop of another infected creature… which leads me to think that giardia sounds like Mother Nature telling civilization to, and not in the figurative sense, “eat shit and die.”
The Shittiness of Giardia
Beaver Fever has several ways of getting inside your guts–just the perfect spot it needs to throw a poo-poo party. The quickest and easiest way to get this party started involves you drinking water with giardia contaminated poop, such as water with contaminated beavers; hence, Beaver Fever. Second on our list we have eating things that have shit rubbed all over them. Mmmmm, tasty! Thirdly we have… possibly the worst thing imaginable… plain old shit-eating. EeeeeeeW! I feel my stomach turning over just thinking about giardia!
Grossed out yet? Thank Civilization.
Preventing Giardia
Anywho. I think we can all agree that none of us want giardia (mostly because of the embarrassment of getting labeled “shit eater” by our friends). So how can we avoid it? Step one seems fairly obvious; stop eating shit! Step two; avoid drinking water that appears contaminated. Personally, I just assume it has giardia in it these days if it does not come from a tap, or a natural spring… and even then… Step three, boil boil boil the shit out of that water! If you do drink water from a creek or wherever, boil or purify it with some other means. I find this important with or without giardia. So many chemicals and other water borne parasites exist these days (all thanks to civilization).
Symptoms
“How do I know if I’ve got it?” Let’s just say you’ll know. Several weeks after “accidentally” eating contaminated feces, you’ll begin to experience stomach pains, nausea, loud obnoxious farts, and have lots and lots and lots of diarrhea. However, many people, I call them freaks, do not have symptoms when they get giardia.
Curing Giardia
“I’ve got giardia, what do I do?” Shh. Don’t say it out loud! Go to the doctor to make sure. If this happens post-apocalyptically, you can do a few things. Drink tons more water (and a lot less shit). Giardia causes diarrhea, which will make you dehydrated, so keep those fluids coming, and make sure you purify it… and do it right this time! And please, for all of us, wash your hands. Oh, I almost forgot. Avoid anal play during sex. 
To get rid of giardia, doctors can prescribe several drugs. If you want to get all primitive (and you live in the NW) you can make a tea from Oregon Grape root bark. You’ll need quite a bit. Drink it for a long time after your symptoms have gone away, just to make sure it won’t come back.
Current Questions:
1. What other herbs can heal Giardia?
2. Why do some people not have symptoms?
3. Will we ever drink water from creeks without having to worry about giardia and other such civilized nonsense?
*I wrote this article in e-prime. Please inform me if you find a verb “to be” or any Aristolian bullshit.*
Book Sources
Rabies, Lyme Disease, Hanta Virus and Other Animal-Bourne Diseases in the United States and Canada
Web Sources
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giardia_lamblia
http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dpd/parasites/giardiasis/factsht_giardia.htm
http://microbewiki.kenyon.edu/index.php/Giardia
http://www.ryandrum.com/Devilsclub.htm
http://health.howstuffworks.com/oregon-grape-herbal-remedies.htm
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this is a fucking masterpiece, scout. you had me at the title, but you brought me home with each new paragraph. hell, i think you even made me breakfast in the morning before kicking me out the front door.
not only is it fucking hilarious, it’s really informative. i just read elpel’s take on giardia not too long ago in Participating in Nature and it had me worried. boiling is definitely the top priority for killing these single-cell fuckers.
i also remember reading in In the Wake some really good (if more complex) methods for purifying water.
the thing that worries me is chemical pollution. you can’t just boil that out. and if you’re on the go chasing game and forageables across the landscape, do you have to take a solar still with you in order to drink safely?
Funny stuff.
Rix, how about collecting morning and evening dew (not in a field of shit). I wonder how long it would take to sop up a pint with a t-shirt. I should try that.
A direct question for you to answer : Aristolian, what does…pardon me, nearly forgot where I had surfed… what the feraking fuck does that mean? I kinna find it in the book with the words.
Oh, and no ‘Be-Be’s baby! Excellence!
Hey Scout,
There’s a plant called “wormwood.” Apparently this plant offers a natural cure for Giardia, intestinal worms, and the like. I’ve seen in listed in several reputable sources. check it out if you haven’t already. peace
-sean
Are you suggesting that I stop eating shit?
This shit business sucks! I got giardia from some dirty fuckers I met a month ago. They kept talking about going to Mexico and partying on weelends. Thanks asshole, you’re propably one of those freaks who don’t show any symptoms and obviously don’t wash your hands after wiping. I’m gonna throw you onto oncoming traffic next time I see you fuckface!
I’m living in hell! I have been having severe pains for 4 weeks, lost 20 pounds so far which puts me at 135 for a 5′10″ guy. Move over Kate Moss, there’s a new kid in town. I don’t have the runs, actually haven’t laid a log in 5 days. My bowels seem to hold the shit back for a few days and release all at once. Record that as a new symptom in the books.
I read up on the net about certain parasited feeding off carbs and sugars in your gut, so I switched to straight protein and I felt better immediately, but it went south about 3 days later, but it’s still better than when I was on toast and rice diet. The carbs seemed to blow me up me even more and cause me to throw up more. My GI doc thinks it’s bullshit and I can eat everything, but I know what worked for my body.
Even on vicodin I still toss and turn at nights from the pains. Those electric hot pads kinda work in taking the pain away though; thanks doc.
Allright, I’ve rambled enough. Don’t get giardia folks, stay safe and healthy!
Raffi
SEVEN years ago I went to Ecuador and was careful not to drink the water (or even brush my teeth with it!). One day, we had the great idea of going rafting - oops, swallowed a HUGE gulp of water. After that I had TERRIBLE diarrhea (in a hacienda that turned off the water at night nonetheless). Well, my stomach has never been the same since. I went to doctor after doctor and I was eventually prescribed Paxil….yes, PAXIL! They said I just had IBS and a nervous stomach. Here we are seven years later and one hell of a ride getting on and then OFF paxil…but I finally had a stool test done (don’t know why they didn’t do this in the first place) and lo and behold, I have Giardia (and have had it for SEVEN freakin years!). So, as far as remedies, wormwood, black walnut, and cloves. Plus a good antioxidant to flush them all out when they die. Just started this today…we’ll see how it goes.
That is crazy! Seven fucking years. Goddam. I’m so sorry. Let us know how it turns out!
thank you. very nice and relavent title. Also, thank you for keeping things to a simple, yet informitive tone. Very practical
Just came across this site - want to add my two cents in case anyone has the same experience I’ve had with Giardia. When you have it, you are desparate for information. I hope my experience will help anyone from ever getting it, but if you do, here are some notes -
It started as a mild epigastric pain - upper area under rib cage opposite my heart and then progressed to nauseating burps and lots of gas and (for me) intermittent diarrhea. Explosive diarrhea is the word…From there, I was the sickest I’ve been in my life..
Nausea, gas, inability to eat, unrelenting fatigue. I lost 22 pounds. I couldn’t walk - this stuff put me down for almost a month! It was hell. The telltale sign that indicated this was was Girdia was the YELLOW FLOATING STOOL. Sorry to be graphic, but if you have this, you can’t get any real info on what the actual symptoms are and therefore can’t be treated appropriately, even if you have stool samples.
After 5 days of thinking I was sick from ‘food poisoning”, I ended up in the ER - tons of tests, etc. The test for stool was negative for Giardia but I knew this was it - ( I used to be a nurse and the symptoms were a match). The doctor referred me to a GI specialist for follow-up. Those samples were also negative. Here’s the deal: You can have multiple samples taken and there is a greater than 90% chance it will be negative for Giardia until several months pass and the intestine has played host to the cysts for a while.
When I went to the ER, they subscribed Levaquin, an antibiotic, to treat a broad range of potential bacteria incl salmonella. When I went to the GI doc, I was given Flagyl, (metrodanizole) for 10 days. That did not work, so I was given another 10 days of Flagyl. After all of this, I was still sick. After reading on the web about Tindamax (recently approved for use in the U.S.A.), I called my friend, an ER doctor and asked for the Tindamax. In 24 hours, was feeling much better.
I was sick and in bed for 28 days from this crap. The symptoms continued for a month after. They can continue for years after. I have also been in touch with people who have long term problems with it from improper diagnosis’ such as the woman above with a 7 year issue.
Here is what I uncovered through my research:
1.) The Emergency Room M.D.’s need at least 3 samples to test and they have you in the ER for about 4 hours or less. There is not enough time for the right tests to make a definitive diagnosis which is why they prescribe a broad spectrum antibiotic to treat a broad potential set of problems.
2.) There is a SPECIFIC TEST for the antigen for Giardia. Ask for an Elisa/Immunoassay for Giardia in the ER and at the GP and at the GI office. You may have to submit to multiple tests over several days. An Ova and Parasite test for stool will not cut it - you will not have correct results from this test if it is Giardia.
3.) The source contamination for many is through contaminated water and/or food from improper handwashing. In our area, we have been told that the CDC has been trying to track incidences of occurence but the reports from hospital ER’s is inconclusive due to the test results often being negative. What we have found in lots of late night research is that suspicions surround an “endemic population” working in restaurants (foreign born workers)who have long standing and undetected giardia. If they fail to perform proper food prep, you are at risk. The research also indicates the food location sources we receive most of our cruciferous fruits and vegetables from - ie: Mexico, etc. are often imported from farms where substandard farming practices are still in play and night soils are sometimes in use. Therefore, the theory holds that water absorbed by these foods contaminates them. After retracing my food consumption 3-6 days prior to the symptoms, the most likely culprit was lettuce! Improperly washed and/or handled! Since some people never report findings or they recover, the CDC has a hard time tracking this problem, but they have enough reporting to believe there is an issue in the U.S. with it - all tied to restaurant practices in food prep.
4.) Since this illness, I have read numerous studies about how to clean my own foods - 1 gal of apple cider or white vinegar with 2 caps of hydrogen peroxide kills just about everything according to a widely circulated technical white paper. Immerse your fruit/vegetables in water for 15 minutes that is clean or has been boiled (then cooled) for a FULL 60 seconds.
5.) If you are out hiking, BOIL YOUR WATER. Most Filters are useless to kill the cysts. Water sources in central systems (city water) have demonstrated levels that can cause large scale contamination. Studies have shown that CHLORINATION DOES NOT FULLY KILL THE CYSTS. Boil where possible if possible if you suspect any water could be an issue.
6.) You can get this from your cat/dog. WASH your hands, wash their bedding and wash them regularly. Do not let them “kiss” your face - or risk this stuff. Dogs tend to have mild symptoms which can easily be mistaken for mild GI distress.
7.) The cysts are resistant to certain herbs (mentioned above) and certain other things which help prevent their continued attachment to you, their host. I started by cleaning some vegetables (as above) and then using a heavy vinegar based salad dressing since some research shows evidence of the cysts releasing from when doused with vinegar via food passing through the small intestine.
8.) If you’ve got it, back away from carbs and milk/cheese.. It tends to make a majority of infected persons lactose intolerant for a long while. The gas (GAS, GAS, GAS, GAS) created by Giardia is funny to joke about until you actually have Giardia then you will be crying.
9.) Intergrative Medicine Practioners are more in tune with amoeba, parasites and other bugs - if you can be followed up by them, better than a GI doc who will keep drugs flowing but not help much with the residual effects.
hay I was diagnosed with giardia in the spring and took the metronidyzal stuuf it didnt work. wormwood and black walnut, cloves tyme goldenseel tinctures didnt work. gse, garlic, blackberry root. burnt toast. all this hasnt seem to do anything, or not kicked it all the way. I’m not sure what to do. mabey fast. its all preety danting, when it comes to how hard it is to get rid of tiny little bugers that can hide. any tips?
Thanks for the site and comments. I have submitted the sample to dr, and am waiting for results, but very sure I, and prob family have G.
We are on tank water, and recently found a decomposing bird (disgusting) in the roof gutter. Have had all mentioned symptoms.
Has anyone heard about the effectiveness of OLIVE LEAF in treating this?
Tindamax is the effective one time 2g oral solution. You can circumvent the incompetencies of some MD’s through online websites like easy.md
Thank god for the internet and that we can decide for ourselves what we put in our bodies rather than dealing with inconclusive tests.
I have had symptoms for over 8 months and was diagnosed with diverticulytus (mis-spelled). I continued having symptoms and am confused on were I got it. My family has it…we are having the pets tested but I am very clean and demand that the pets are washed. I do not know if we caught it from our own water supply but they stated that they treat the water with chlorine…what I am understanding is this does not kill it. I have requested that the sewage company put a back flow value on my septic line because they flush the lines and crap and “stuff” come fly out of my toliet. We go to these hot springs that I also have suspecion if that is contaminated…I can’t even work and am so fatigued by it it is worse than when I had pneumonia. I have been given the typical Metronidazole but feel like I need to avoid certain foods as all of you have suggested. I crave sugar…losing weight is the only good part but I feel like I am literallywasting away. I have avery physical job and I can’t take time off…will this last for months or years? I want to do a cleans but because of my health I don’t think I should. Is there a cleans that works on Giardia?
entertaining… very entertaining…
now we know what to do…we’ll try and stop eating shit!!!
Hi Peter and others,
There’s a fascinating therapy being used in Australia and some parts of the U.S. for IBS, Crohn’s, ulcerative colitis, clostridium infections and the like (maybe even giardia). Contrary to the title of this post — “eat shit and die” — this therapy might be described as “eat shit and live!”
What is it called? Fecal Bacteriotherapy. Check out the link:
http://scienceblogs.com/aetiology/2007/12/fecal_transplants_to_cure_clos.php
I myself actually tried the therapy for a bug (blastocystis hominis) I thought was giving me problems. Nothing much happened for me, oddly enough — neither good nor bad — despite literally ingesting someone else’s shit. Read my comments — “rk900″ — in the above link for more on that (scroll waaaayyy down).
So, in case you haven’t guessed, I’m of the school thought that the terrain (the immunity of the body) is what truly matters, not the enironment (the bacteria, parasites, whatever). In that sense, a healthy person would never get food poisoning, giardia, or any such thing!
I’ve had Giardia for the last 2 years. Tried all the anti-biotics, Flagyl, Tindamax, Inodiquol, symptoms(rash, diarreah, fever, fatigue) started to go away but came back as soon as I finished the anitbiotic.
My next step is Ozone/hydrogen peroxide therapy.
Will keep you posted.
I had giardia I had it since August I had disgusting gas, explosive diarria, I was so tired I could hardly function, I also looked like I was 9 months pregnant. I just finished Metronidazole for ten days, I was so very tired still but bloating seemed better, now a week later I have been getting migraines, I am bloated again and gas is back! I sent in a stool sample last week, is it possible its not gone? Help!